Life, Politics, Technology, Humor

For the August 2008 issue of Vanity Fair, writer Chris Hitchens bravely subjected himself to a waterboarding session. His article on the waterboarding experience is available here, as well as a video of the torture session. It hopefully won’t surprise anyone (except Bush and friends) that Hitchens decisively concluded that waterboarding is indeed torture, no matter what they tell us.

A week or so ago, just for fun I sent ExxonMobil an email about what assholes they are, and essentially asking how they live with themselves. Here’s a copy of the reply:

—===—===—

Dear Customer,

Thank you for your recent communication expressing concern about higher
prices for gasoline and energy products.

We recognize that energy price increases have put a strain on many
household budgets. We also know that some hold the oil and gas industry
directly responsible for these price increases and quite frankly, this
conclusion is not correct. There are several factors that are helpful to
consider as we look at what is causing higher gasoline and energy prices.

Crude Oil

Crude oil, the world’s foremost energy source - is a true global commodity,
traded freely in markets worldwide. Prices for crude oil, which now
account for well over 60 percent of the price Americans pay at the pump,
are set on competitive global markets. No single company sets the price
for crude oil or even influences how these prices are set. Even as the
largest private energy company in the world, ExxonMobil only represents 3
percent of global oil production. We also buy nearly two times more crude
oil than we produce, as we do not produce nearly enough crude oil to keep
our ExxonMobil refineries and plants supplied. Also, our crude oil supply
costs are higher partly due to the weaker value of the U.S. dollar.

Global Supply and Demand

The market forces of supply and demand are the fundamental factors that
influence crude oil prices. Growing demand for transportation fuels, in
developing nations like China and India alone have driven demand increases
at twice the historic average in several recent years. Americans drive
around 3 trillion miles per year, almost twice as much as we did in 1980
(1.5 trillion miles), now demanding about 400 million gallons of gasoline a
day. On the supply side, geopolitical developments have curtailed
production and driven up prices at various points in time.

Industry Earnings in Context

In a high commodity demand/price environment, which currently exists,
industry earnings will generally rise. However, the oil and gas industry
profits are comparable to other U.S. industries, 9.5 cents for every dollar
of sales compared to an average of 8.2 cents for all U.S. manufacturers in
2006. You also might find it interesting to know that 70 percent of
ExxonMobil revenues are generated outside the U.S. And, with respect to
the price you pay at your local service station, independently owned
operators set those retail prices in competition with one another.
ExxonMobil owns and operates less than 900 of the 170,000 service stations
in the United States; that is less than 1 percent.

Investing in Tomorrow’s Energy

In our view and probably your own as well, another important question is
what are we doing with the money we earn? In the past twenty years, we
have invested about $280 billion worldwide on capital and exploration
expenditures to develop new energy supplies — a figure that exceeds our
total earnings over that period.

Looking ahead, the International Energy Agency has estimated that the oil
and gas industry will need to invest at least $20 trillion in new oil and
gas production and infrastructure through 2030 to meet the future growth in
global demand. Much of this projected growth in energy use is attributable
to improving living standards for billions of people in the developing
world. Only profitable companies will be able to make the investments
needed to compete in global energy markets and to develop the energy
supplies we will need in the future.

Government Taxes

Stable and impartial tax and regulatory policies are critical to companies
looking to invest on the scale noted above. You most likely are not aware
that for every dollar of ExxonMobil’s revenue, on average around 25 cents
is paid to governments, while ExxonMobil earns just over a dime. In 2006,
ExxonMobil earned $39.5 billion, but paid over $100 billion in taxes
worldwide. Over the past five years (2002-2006), ExxonMobil’s U.S. tax
bill was nearly $60 billion, exceeding our total U.S. earnings during that
time by over $20 billion. Without question, we are one of the world’s
biggest taxpayers and are therefore very concerned about the harmful
impacts of current proposals to impose even higher taxes on our industry.
Our government can help meet America’s growing energy needs by ensuring
reliable and impartial rules for all energy investments that will allow
American companies to compete internally.

Your email is important to us. We know price increases and our company’s
earnings have raised questions and deserve explanation. While we hope that
this response provides you with a better understanding of our company’s
challenges and of the global energy markets in which we participate, we
would encourage you to look at our web site www.exxonmobil.com as well as
the web site of the American Petroleum Institute www.energytomorrow.org for
more information.

At ExxonMobil, we’re committed to pricing responsibly and investing for the
future. Please know that every day our 82,000 employees worldwide are
working extremely hard to provide energy supplies to consumers at
competitive prices.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,

Ashley Galbraith
Exxon Mobil Corporation

Note: When responding to this message, please use reply to keep the email
thread intact. We need to see the information on previous e-mails to
better assist you. Thank you.

I still can’t believe he’s gone. This is a truly unfortunate loss.

Not only was he insanely funny - he was also intensely intelligent. A sort of modern societal philosopher, if you will. Anyway, check out some truth from our man George:

Man, it’s been a rough week. It all started with my major car trouble last week. Today I should find out how much it’s going to set me back, after a week of waiting. It’s looking like it will be a short-term fix, and that I will most likely need to replace my vehicle. After paying it off just three weeks ago. You’ve got to love the irony. I wish I could, but I’m too bummed and upset to. If you could appreciate it for me, I would appreciate your efforts.

And apparently I was too busy wallowing in disappointment yesterday to pay attention to the news. So this morning I just found out that George Carlin has passed away. We have lost one of the few comedians (or maybe the only comedian) who is producing original and cutting-edge content, and wasn’t afraid to criticize the things that most people won’t touch. He will be missed.

Hopefully the week will get better. We’ll see.

Webmasters are always looking for ways to improve their websites. Whether it’s enhancing your look and feel, increasing your Google Pagerank, search engine optimization, or any of the plethora of ways we can improve our sites, we’re always looking for ways to be better. If you’re a webmaster, I have good news for you.

Network Solutions has just come out with a domain name analysis tool. This is a great tool that will allow you to analyze the effectiveness of your domain name and improve it in three easy steps.

The first step is to visit the domain name analysis tool at the Network Solutions website. Put your domain name in the text box and you’re off!

The second step is to answer their quick and easy questions about your domain name. Once you complete the questionnaire, the tool will rank your domain name’s effectiveness in a few different categories. Even better, the tool will offer ideas on how to improve your domain name effectiveness from the comfort of your own home (and directly on their website).

The third step is to follow through with their recommendations. The tool will offer ideas on ways to protect your brand, increase your domain name’s relevance to your topic, and will even offer new available domain names that you might consider purchasing.

This will be an eye-opening experience for many webmasters, and is quite a useful tool. I would recommend it to anyone looking to improve their website.

Yeah, I know. When I saw the title of this video I was put off too. But this fellow Tyler is hilarious and sarcastic. The only scary part is that people against gay marriage actually believe this bullshit.

If you haven’t yet heard, the first lesbian couple of this new wave of officially state sanctioned same sex marriages had their ceremony last night. Congratulations to them for standing up for what they know is right. What a great reward for all their hard work.

Unfortunately this right is in danger, and the forces against it are rich and powerful. Don’t let ultra-conservative Christians spread their hate any more than they already do. Stand up for the rights of your fellow human beings, and sign the petition at MillionforMarriage.com and let your support for same sex couples be known.

Don’t let the gay community have a basic human right taken from them again.

With the hot days of summer come exciting days spent on lakes and waterways throughout the world. Unfortunately, all too often the fun turns dangerous, and sometimes fatal, when alcohol and boating mix.

Just as with driving a car, alcohol and piloting a watercraft do not mix. A quick reaction time and constant attention are required to have a safe and fun time on a watercraft. In fact, should you be caught operating a watercraft under the influence of alcohol, you can be cited for Boating Operating Under the Influence, which is a Class Two misdemeanor.

Arizona Boating can be fun and exciting when it is done safely. Besides avoiding alcohol while piloting watercraft, you can enhance your probability of a safe trip by taking a watercraft safety course. Unlike with automobiles, there is no education requirement for piloting a watercraft. It turns out though, that educated boaters are seventy percent less likely to be involved in a watercraft accident than uneducated boaters.

If you want to be extra safe, you can take Boating Education Online courses by following the link. You can also take classes in person if you would prefer that.

Boating sober and getting your Boating Education Online is a great way to have a safe and fun summer on the waterways.

Well, last week my blog got the Google spank. In a split second, my site went from a Pagerank of three to a big fat ZERO. Ouch.

I know this doesn’t mean much to most people, but hitting three a few months ago felt like a really big accomplishment. You see, Google “ranks” pages through their Pagerank, which rates sites between zero and ten (ten being the best - only sites like Amazon, Google, eBay and such have a ten).

A high Pagerank means a number of things, many of which Google will not divulge. To me, as a blogger, a higher Pagerank means that I can sell advertising for a higher price, thus meaning that I can afford to blog more often (not to mention that I’m motivated to blog more often - yes, sadly I am extremely money motivated).

But alas, for some reason the Google Gods have decided to spank me down to a big gnarly zero. This could be for a number of reasons, but it’s not because of my traffic. You see, my traffic has not changed at all, so there’s something funny going on.

Anyway, this spanking has given me some insight into my blog. I have been trying to rein it in, and keep things productive and more focused. But if that strategy isn’t going to help me, I’m going back to the old format. I’m going to talk about what I want to, when I want to, and not worry about trying to make the Google Gods happy anymore. Don’t worry, friends. I’ll still be bringing you the best stuff I can. But I might be inclined to write more random shite now too. Stuff like this. Stuff so inconsequential that I shouldn’t even be writing it - but here we are.

Thanks for tolerating my rant. And now back to our irregularly unscheduled programming…

Here’s a great video. True, sarcastic and funny as hell.